I’m often tongue-tied when I attend a funeral or visit someone in the hospital. As soon as I open my mouth, it concerns me that I’m sounding like one of Job’s friends. They were better comforters when they kept their mouths shut rather than when they opened them (Job 2:11-13). Their advice and consolation to Job sounded like the exact words I might have spoken. They argued forcefully and their arguments seemed so pious, leading Philip Yancey to comment: “If today we had only Job 3–37, we would judge the three friends as the true heroes of the book.” But God was angry with them (Job 42:7).
So, it occurred to me to simply keep my mouth shut around the grieving and hurting. But that misses the point.
God was not angry with Job’s friends because they opened their mouths but because they hadn’t spoken accurately about Him (Job 42:7-8). If you and I want to be better comforters, we need to know Jesus better and refrain from attempting to explain the inexplicable.
Sometimes we think that by offering explanations it will alleviate people’s suffering. But there are some answers that only God can provide. When we try to play God, we confound more than we help. In such instances, it’s wiser to humble ourselves before the Lord and affirm with the sufferer that we may not understand God’s ways, but we can trust in His wisdom, power, and love. That was how God answered Job in chapters 38 to 41. He didn’t offer any explanation. He simply reminded Job of who He is.
Oswald Chambers suggests: “The biggest thing you can do for those who are suffering is not to talk platitudes, not to ask questions, but to get into contact with God, and the ‘greater works’ will be done by prayer.”
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Acts 28:1-14
More:
Read Psalm 119:50, Isaiah 50:4, and Philemon 1:7 for additional ideas on how to become a better comforter.
Next:
Who is someone you know who needs comfort? How can you lovingly come alongside this person?
askbeloved on November 18, 2012 at 1:02 am
Thanks and God bless you for sharing this insight. My friend lost her son lately and I’m still at a loss for words but trusting the Holy Spirit to speak through me and comfort her with the little I’ll say.
Thanks again..
tom felten on November 19, 2012 at 9:55 am
Praying for you, askbeloved. May Jesus “give you the right words” (Luke 21:15).
askbeloved on November 19, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Amen! Thanks Tom..
winn collier on November 27, 2012 at 4:14 pm
My wife has taught me to listen which, as you remind us, requires our not talking. I’m not so good at it naturally, but I’m trying.