There’s definitely a fine line between love and hate. I read of a wife who was so fed up with her husband’s cheating that she said, “I didn’t want to divorce [him], but I wanted him to die.” The adulterous husband said of his bride: “I didn’t love her. I wanted a divorce.”
A disturbing account in the Bible reveals just how fast affection can turn to rejection. One of David’s undisciplined sons had fallen deep in lust with his beautiful half-sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1). His obsession led to a severe case of love-sickness and a really sick plan: Amnon decided to take Tamar’s love by force (2 Samuel 13:2,5). He “grabbed her and demanded” that she sleep with him—calling her “darling” (2 Samuel 13:11). Tamar resisted, but her brother overpowered her and raped her (2 Samuel 13:12,14). And just like that “Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her” (2 Samuel 13:15). Tamar went from being darling to being despised.
What we see in Amnon’s horrific actions is reflected in many troubled marriages: the sin of selfishness. The young bride (see first paragraph) recognized her husband’s selfish ways. But she made a wise decision. “Instead of praying that [my husband] would fall back in love with me, I started praying that he would fall in love with God.” In time her husband’s cold heart began to melt. He did fall back in love with God and his wife once again. They now share a relationship deeply rooted in God Himself.
John wrote that “anyone who keeps on sinning does not know [God]” (1 John 3:6). But if we turn from our selfish sin and choose love, “God lives in us, and His love is brought to full expression in us” (1 John 4:12).
Turn your relationship from hate to love by loving God and leaving selfishness behind.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Deuteronomy 34:1-12
More:
Paul mentions love and hate in Ephesians 5:25-29. Read those verses and note what a husband’s love for his wife should imitate.
Next:
If you’re married, how can you root out selfishness from your relationship and replace it with selflessness? How does God’s love help us heal our broken relationships?
mike wittmer on February 28, 2012 at 10:39 am
You are exactly right, Tom. It is amazing how fast love can turn to hate and back again. Just another reason why friends should be careful not to take sides in a marital dispute, for the spouse who told us all about her despicable partner may later turn on us for agreeing with her.
On another point, while I prefer to be loved, I think I’d rather be hated than ignored. Apathy is worse than hatred.
daisymarygoldr on February 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Lust wants to take from the other person while love wants to give. Unfortunately lust parades as love and confuses many who fall in love, get married only to discover they have fallen out of love. We fall in lust but grow in love. Amnon confused lust for love. And when he gratified self with the object of his desire it turned to hate that destroyed Tamar.
The practical application for all young singles is: lust is an uncontrollable desire or craving for someone or something. Instead of being obsessed with unhealthy wanting, wait on God. “Love is patient.” He will surely give us the desire of our hearts according to what He knows is best for us.
When the Israelites were in the wilderness, their lust for flesh must have soon turned into hate as God gave them exactly what they wanted and many died with the flesh still between their teeth.
Today, many want God for what He can give them. And we do not receive what we ask because we ask for things to feed our lustful pleasures (James 4:3). And sometimes God will give us what we desperately crave and pray for—but will send leanness that will fill our souls with hate.
Whether married or single, the spiritual application for all is: When our attitudes and acts are to appease our own selfish desires, we destroy others and hurt God. Lust only wants God for the sake of self. Love desires God and delights in Him for Himself.
meganrsampson on March 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm
I’m a little confused and bothered now by this scripture. The last few I have read are about forgiveness and in this one Amnon rapes his sister who is shamed by this and yes he turns from ‘loving’ to hating her because he had to take her but what about her?? I as a child was raped by my brother for 3 years. I have never been able to forgive him and a big part of me feels I wont ever. I read the rest of the chapter and her other brother got revenge for his sister and killed Amnon. I know this is about love/hate which I did have love for my older brother until he raped me, now I have hate for him and he denies my ‘allegations’ and calls me a liar so he hates me too. We don’t speak or even live anywhere near each other because of my hate to him. From what I read Tamar never forgave her brother and instead revenge was done for her. Honestly, I personally dont know how to take this one :-\
tom felten on March 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm
megan, my heart breaks for you. Sexual abuse is truly sinful and horrific. Please note that in the account found in 2 Samuel 13:1-20 that Tamar was truly a victim, just as you are. It was Amnon who sinfully raped her, robbing her of her virginity, and then rejected her. What’s more, he never repented and sought to reconcile their relationship. With that said, I pray that God will help you heal your broken heart. There’s an online booklet titled “When Trust Is Lost: Healing for victims of sexual abuse,” that may prove to be very helpful to you. You can download a copy here.