Before I met and eventually married my husband, I tried online dating. The matchmaking service promised to weed through zillions of searching singles to find the most compatible matches. So I hunched over the keyboard and filled out the compatibility questionnaire. It took hours, but I was ready for some help on deciding whom to date.
Samson is infamous for his messed-up love life. Taking a look at his romantic mistakes can help us head off some personal heartache. The trouble began for the man with the flowing mane when he noticed a young lady who didn’t share his faith. “One of the Philistine women caught his eye” (Judges 14:1). The Philistines were pagans, and Samson was an Israelite who had been dedicated to God from birth (Judges 13:5). Mistake #1: We’re inviting heartbreak when we pursue people who don’t believe in Jesus.
Even though the Philistine woman wasn’t a spiritual match, Samson said, “She looks good to me” (Judges 14:3), and decided to marry her. Appearances can be deceiving—whether it’s a sparkling smile, beautiful hair, or even chivalrous conduct. Mistake #2: We’re headed for trouble when we sprint into relationships based on a person’s outward show alone.
Samson’s parents asked him to take another look at the local single girls (Judges 14:3), but he refused. He didn’t listen to the advice of the people who knew him best. Mistake #3: We’re in trouble when we refuse to listen to close friends and family who can be more objective than us when starry-eyed excitement clouds our thinking.
Samson went on to marry his Philistine sweetheart, but then had to endure a forced separation from her. If he could give us dating advice, it might go something like this: Date people who share your faith. Don’t dwell solely on outward appearances and actions. And listen to godly input from people who know you well.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Judges 16:1-21
More:
Read 1 Kings 11:1-13 to see why God wants believers to marry fellow believers. Read 1 Corinthians 13 for a description of true love.
Next:
Why is it sometimes difficult to apply biblical wisdom to our romantic lives? How is Samson’s advice on dating different from the world’s?
daisymarygoldr on March 13, 2011 at 9:46 am
jennifer benson schuldt, I wholeheartedly agree with the message of this post. 1 Cor 6:14 is not a direct reference to marriage, but we are told not to team up with those who are unbelievers. In some instances, like in my brother’s case, unbelieving spouses have been won to the Lord. But most of the times it is the other way around. Believing spouses have been led away from Christ resulting in shipwreck of both our faith and marriages.
Although I respect what you have said about dating, I must disagree with your take on Samson’s advice. For someone who did not grow up in this country, it is Samson’s advice against lusting. That is how dating is translated in the Middle Eastern culture. This whole idea of going through several relationships before selecting a spouse is not scripturally sound to my understanding. I do not see anything romantic in this human wisdom which is riddled with a plethora of problems. Not only do people get emotionally scarred but with the exchange of body fluids, they get infected with all kinds of STDs.
I am not sure how the Church is teaching young people to bond themselves as couples with no commitments. Inevitably these relationships don’t continue for long. And after several break ups the hearts become so calloused that once they are married, there is no sense of permanence as people easily call it quits and end up getting divorced.
This is not to impose my opinion on others but for me and my family dating is an absolute no-no. We see dating to be the perfect recipe for disaster—namely divorce. And it is really a challenge for me, to train our children for marriage in the ways of the Lord. As they are born and being raised in this country, I am not waiting for my daughter to become a teenager but have been teaching her against dating ever since she had turned three. So far, she agrees and I sincerely hope and pray she will continue in it all through her growing years until the day she gets married.
Other than that, this is a profitable post. Paul teaches us not associate even with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people (1 Cor 5:11). We should marry believers who love the Lord and love God’s Word.
jennifer benson schuldt on March 13, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Hello there daisymarigoldr,
Thank you for your post. I certainly respect your viewpoint on the dangers of dating. I also commend you for talking with your daughter about relationships at such an early age.
Seems to me that when a guy/girl relationship is in the early stages, the Bible has important insights that can help direct us to a good pool of candidates. I believe this is true regardless of whether a person advocates dating, courting, or any other type of relationship-building strategy that could lead to marriage. Samson’s pitfalls, as listed in the devotional are related to the problem of lust. If we take lust out of the process of choosing a mate, it seems like the success rate might be higher, no matter how you decide to choose a marriage partner.
But, it’s not just about giving lust the boot; it’s about keeping God first in everything–even our relationships. Matthew 6:33 says, Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.
daisymarygoldr on March 13, 2011 at 4:44 pm
jennifer benson schuldt, you are right, Samson’s pitfalls, are due to lust. That is exactly why I felt his advice is on lusting. And even if we take lust out of the process of choosing a mate, emotional promiscuity that results from dating is a precursor for divorce—not marriage. Dating is not taught in the scriptures—in word, principle or example. It is so true, if we give God the first place in our relationships it will lead to stronger and successful marriages. Thanks for the good devotional!
eppistle on March 13, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Excellent advice! This would make a good outline for a sermon. Some Christians know that they shouldn’t marry non-Christians but feel at liberty to date non-Christians. But the best way to avoid marrying somebody who doesn’t share your love for God is not to never date a person who doesn’t love God. It’s harder to break up with a non-Christian that you’ve grown to love than to never date a non-Christian. We should not remain in a dating relationship with a person we don’t think that God would want us to marry.
jennifer benson schuldt on March 13, 2011 at 3:26 pm
eppistle,
I liked what you said: “But the best way to avoid marrying somebody who doesn’t share your love for God is [to avoid dating a person who doesn’t share your faith. For more on this topic, check out this link: http://rbc.org/questionsDetail.aspx?id=45960&Topic=598
OnMyWayHome on March 13, 2011 at 3:43 pm
As I was dating I really should have followed the guide lines set by others and listened to reason. We did marry and we are glad yet there were struggles over many issues and one being my faith and my commitment to the Lord.
Thank you for your timely advice.
mike wittmer on March 13, 2011 at 10:11 pm
Great points, Jennifer. I know you were out of room, but I’d add another: watch how he treats his mom and she treats her dad, because if you marry him or her, that will be how they will treat you!
jennifer benson schuldt on March 14, 2011 at 8:02 am
Mike, I totally agree–respect for parents is significant in how a potential spouse will treat a potential mate. Thanks for the comment!
Monica on March 16, 2011 at 4:33 am
Hi Jennifer…, thanks for sharring….
Well, I’m still doing seach into online dating til now….. OK, maybe not online dating, but somebody from inet. BUT, a BIG BUT…., always ended with spammers. There’s one looked like prospective cancidate whom admitted the same faith like us, made me really ‘felt in love’ moreover by his charm on cam. Even I was so naif: I was broken hearted knowing that he won’t never be mine! I couldn’t search Christian dating site here, as these kind of sites are being blocked since I’m living in one of Arabian country. Ah, I don’t know…, maybe it won’t be happens I will someone good comes from God to be my future hubby as I dream long 36 years of waiting….., so I need to stop now….. But I do believe someone rite for me is out there now still…. (dunno: wishing, praying, challenging faith, or giving up???) I know only one thing no matter what my status is, I am looking for God only! Cheers…, God bless!
jennifer benson schuldt on March 17, 2011 at 7:19 am
Angela, I am so sorry about the difficulty you experienced with your ex-husband. You brought up a good point–the guidelines that have been discussed here are not absolutes. There is no sure-fire way to predict the outcome of a relationship.
Thank you for taking the time to post a comment and share some of your life experience with us.
jennifer benson schuldt on March 13, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Oba AINA,
Good question about the role of faith in dating relationships. I wonder how dating would be different if people trusted more in God’s provision rather than their own ability to attract the right person…
patrickh1 on July 30, 2011 at 1:25 pm
It is sad that people put thereselfs first but if we put God first in our lives and he will supplie all our happiness in the way of following our Lord Jesus Christ. Even in times of sadness, lonelyness you can let Jesus take control of your everyday situation and nothing is to small for Him.