After fighting with his wife, one man in Saudi Arabia decided to apologize. Unfortunately, his wife had already moved back in with her parents. So he created a banner with his plea for forgiveness printed on it, hung it near his in-laws’ house, and commented, “I hope she will accept my apology and come back home.”
There are lots of ways to say I’m sorry—banners, greeting cards, Web sites, public speeches, or just a simple hand-on-the-shoulder discussion next to the refrigerator. No matter how we express the idea, an acceptable apology should cover some basic points.
First, it’s important to name the offense. Years after Joseph’s brothers sold him as a slave, they sent him this message: “Please forgive your brothers for . . . their sin in treating you so cruelly” (Genesis 50:17). Although they didn’t go into the details of the sale, they did address the heart of the matter, which was their cruelty.
Second, once they established the issue, the brothers focused exclusively on their own wrongdoing. They didn’t remind Joseph of his bratty behavior and superiority complex back when they were growing up. Like the brothers, we should not try to justify our offense by pinning blame on the other person.
Third, sometimes an apology includes taking action to make things right. Joseph’s brothers bowed before him, proclaiming, “Look! We are your slaves!” (Genesis 50:18). This fulfilled a prophetic dream of Joseph’s in which he would reign over his family members (Genesis 37:5-8). The whole situation had come full circle and his siblings’ repentant action was a final act of restitution.
The Bible urges us to “work at living in peace with everyone” (Hebrews 12:14). Sometimes this means giving an acceptable apology—identifying and owning up to our fault and then doing what it takes to made amends for our offense.
More:
• Psalm 38:18
• Romans 12:18
• 1 John 1:9
Next:
What should you do if someone refuses to forgive you? How has forgiveness changed your life?
BettyBlessed on December 1, 2010 at 9:39 am
I think the first step of apologizing is very important. If I can’t figure out what I did wrong I ask the person to please tell me. I don’t like giving “blanket apologies” because 1)they aren’t genuine and 2)if I don’t know what I did wrong then how can I improve on my behavior and prevent it from happening again? Great post for today.
jennifer benson schuldt on December 1, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Great points! Thank you. 🙂
AManofGod on December 1, 2010 at 11:13 am
Apologizing and forgiving go hand in hand and are both so hard for most people. What most people don’t see is that if you refuse to aplogize and forgive you drive a wedge between your relationship with God and with others that will only increase that division the longer you remain on that course. In my marriage my wife and I both refused to forgive each other for the harm we did and we also refused to “meaningfully” apologize to one another. The end result: we are no longer married.
Let’s all learn to forgive each other as we have been forgiven. And that all begins with sincere heartfelt apologies.
AManofGod
jennifer benson schuldt on December 1, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Thank you for sharing your life experiences with us. It’s never easy to apologize, especially if you have to be the first one to say “I’m sorry”, but the rewards are great.
hauntedhoney on December 1, 2010 at 11:39 pm
I agree on it, its never easy to apologize, if you’ll be the one to do it first,,,
sometimes being humble is necesarry in all case. and admit what you have done.
or sometimes humbly speaking just admit someones sin’s just for you the both them to work it out…