I recently watched Ghosts of Girlfriends’ Past. The movie (which is a loose adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol) is about a hedonistic, womanizing bachelor who despises the idea of love and marriage. The night before his younger brother’s wedding, he is visited by ghosts representing his past, present, and future girlfriends. By the next morning, he opens his broken heart to love again.
Personally, I don’t recommend the movie—except for maybe the last 10 minutes. In particular, the best man’s speech was positive:
“Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less. And he was right. But power isn’t happiness . . . happiness comes from caring more about people—rather than less.” The “power” referred to above is the power of self-protection. You know—those games we play to try not to care too much for someone. And, yes, it may keep a broken heart from getting hurt again, but there is no joy or life in it. It only ends up incarcerating the soul in a prison of fear, emptiness, and selfishness.
The Old Testament prophet Isaiah described the dangers of self-protection. Figuratively speaking, he said that when we try to protect ourselves in the darkness with our own self-generated light, we will end up in torment (Isaiah 50:10-11). Protecting ourselves by deadening our hearts may seem to make sense, but it only makes things worse. It reminds me of the proverb that says, “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death” (Proverbs 14:12).
Nothing is greater than the power of love. Only the willingness to care and be cared for is what brings us true joy and life and the freedom to be who God made us to be for others. First comes love, then comes joy.
More:
I have told you these things so that you will be filled with My joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is My commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you (John 15:11-12).
Next:
When have you tried not to care, when you really do? How has self- protection clouded your relationships?
lindagma on July 15, 2010 at 6:39 am
Worse than not trusting our hearts to another human being… is seeing God in human terms and not trusting our hearts.. our everything to Him. He knows all, sees all, and still he loves us.
jcam74 on July 15, 2010 at 8:19 am
Thank you for this lesson. I’m on a journey now that involves removing some character defects that I have allowed to creep into my life. I was one of those people that Isaiah speaks about. After surrendering completely to God and allowing him to have complete control I now am experiencing the joy that Christ can bring to us if we surrender to Him. I no longer rely on my own power. I rely on my Savior and his name is Jesus.
jeinme10 on July 15, 2010 at 8:56 am
Thank you Jeff for this subject. I’m dealing with a relationship in which the other person won’t allow love or even to be loved by me! God is love, therefore, to truly love God is to love and be love, God’s way. Pray for my marriage!
Soldier4Christ on July 15, 2010 at 10:07 am
jeinme10, I can understand where your at and I will pray for you and your marriage. It took a lot of work and several years to undo the damage done by another person to my wife. She was in an abusive marriage and so it was hard for her to trust and allow me to let me love her. She was always pushing me away at first and had her walls up. But over time she has changed and we do have a great marriage, and I know that with time and prayer you will too.
God bless you, jeinme10
agapegirl88 on July 15, 2010 at 9:44 am
Great topic Jeff. Like jeinme10 I have experienced how heartwrenching it is to watch someone not allow you to love them. My sister and best friend struggles with allowing anyone even God to really love her where she is at. I recently got to talk to her about how God’s love is not based on what she can do to get it or do to push it away and that is true to the way I love her as well.
jeinme10 be encouraged and I pray for your strength! I have taken great comfort in 2nd Corinthians in witnessing how Paul anguished in his love for the church and it has given me the strength to persevere. I hope it will encourage you as well. My favorite verse is below.
For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.
2nd Corinthinas 2:4
Grace & Peace-agapegirl88
peg on July 15, 2010 at 10:36 am
I am actually in that situation right now. I feel so alone even though I know I am not. I feel rejected right now from everyone I know. I could use prayer, thank you.
crux_soon on July 15, 2010 at 12:29 pm
hey peg, I can understand your feelings. Even though knowing that God’s here but then you still feel alone right? At times we feel like that, but when you do feel that way, talk to God. God is always there to listen, waiting for us to turn to Him. Everytime I feel rejected or alone, I pray to God even though at times I don’t feel like it, I just press in, and God will work in you, and bring you out of it, together. = ) We can be rejected by the world, but God never rejects us, He promised not to leave us nor forsake us. =D I’ll be praying for you. Peg, God loves you!
Tyla808 on July 15, 2010 at 5:09 pm
I really received this. It touched something in my heart that perhaps I didn’t really let go of, something I thought I did. Maybe showing me that I am giving 99% of myself but keeping what I think is a small, teeny, tiny, barely noticeable, measly 1% for myself…of myself. God wants all of me though. And so would anyone else that I choose to share my life with.
Proverbs 14:12 – “Wow!” I especially liked the Isaiah 50:10-10 verses. The Amplified version enhanced it even more for me (copied directly from Bible Gateway) 10Who is among you who [reverently] fears the Lord, who obeys the voice of His Servant, yet who walks in darkness and deep trouble and has no shining splendor [in his heart]? Let him rely on, trust in, and be confident in the name of the Lord, and let him lean upon and be supported by his God.
Behold, all you [enemies of your own selves] who attempt to kindle your own fires [and work out your own plans of salvation], who surround and gird yourselves with momentary sparks, darts, and firebrands that you set aflame!–walk by the light of your self-made fire and of the sparks that you have kindled [for yourself, if you will]! But this shall you have from My hand: you shall lie down in grief and in torment.(A)
It’s a mighty strong word. But much needed. Those who have been afflicted by any type of past hurt or wrong in any type of relationship not just bf/gf or husband/wife types but any relationship where you have had to put your trust in someone else. For all the people who are self-sufficient and self-reliant because of it…this word is for us.