Recently, I read an article about a 38-year-old guy who offered his wife for sale. I wondered, what would drive a man to sell his spouse to the highest bidder? Then, I read his advertisement:
“Nagging wife. No tax, very high maintenance—some rust.”
That’s when it clicked; it must have been the nagging. No marriage is perfect, but our communication patterns have a lot to do with the level of harmony in our homes. While some of us nag, other sinful speech habits include lying, harshness, or even sarcasm.
David’s wife, Michal, had a thing for sarcasm. When Michal saw David dancing before the Lord as the Ark was being brought back to Jersualem, “she was filled with contempt for him” (2 Samuel 16:16). She sneered, “How distinguished the king of Israel looked today” (v.20), when she really meant, You looked like a total goofball! Sarcasm hurts the ones we love twice—once with the original insult, and again with the sting of our delivery.
If Michal’s cutting communication wasn’t enough, this drama queen accused David of dancing to impress the servant girls. Her venomous lie proved that “harsh words make tempers flare” (Proverbs 15:1), and it caused David to retort, “I was dancing before the Lord. . . . Those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!” (2 Samuel 6:21-22). Like David, our spouses will move into defense mode and possibly even seek affirmation elsewhere if we continually fling false accusations their way.
Our words have the power to hearten our partners or discourage them. May everything we say “be good and helpful, so that [our] words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (Ephesians 4:29).
More:
If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies (1 Peter 3:10).
Next:
How should we respond to people who hurt us with their sinful patterns of speech? How can you become more aware of your own tendencies to wound with your words?
riri on February 10, 2010 at 8:47 am
I really needed this one! Everyday, you writers write something to inspire my soul in the midst of the storm that I am going through and to remind me that I must have and keep my joy that the Lord gives me, and not allow my enemies to steal it. Thank you!!! Amen! Hallelujah!!!
riri on February 10, 2010 at 8:51 am
This also reminds me that what we say speaks volumes about our soul and thought life. We have to keep our minds on things above
jennifer benson schuldt on February 10, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Yes! James 3:2 says, “If we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.”
Gary4orphans on February 10, 2010 at 10:44 am
Nagging or other negative speech is actually counter productive, it tends to create a defensive posture on the part of the “victim” and creates a stubborn attitude of “what’s the point?” of trying to improve in this area because he/she will just find something else to nag about…a no-win perspective and thus no motivation to change.
IF (I say “if”) the intent is to bring about a constructive change then a constructive and positive delivery would simply be more effective.
I respond better to “Honey, will you take out the trash when you get a moment” compared to a shrieking “YOU NEVER THROW OUT THE TRASH WITHOUT BEING TOLD!!!!”
Which one of those statements would encourage you to throw out the trash willingly and which would cause you to go into full defense mode?
The law of sowing and reaping is clearly seen in our communication patterns. Sow pleasantness and receive a pleasant response. Sow angry discord and receive the same back. (Prov 15:1)
By the way, my wife is the “Honey, will you take out the trash when you get a moment” type and amazing, I throw out the trash without any drama, dare I say, even willingly.
Walla on February 10, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Thank you so much for the insight. I am married to the most beautiful lady on the planet. However, since we got married until today, we barely communicate. In most cases, I tried to push her to talk but it creates some tensions and resistance. Thus, I became reserved in order to avoid any argument and conflict.
bethanyF on February 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I think I need to be slower to speak and pray about what I say before I say it. Praise God.
jennifer benson schuldt on February 10, 2010 at 2:35 pm
I like this comment about praying before speaking. It’s hard to do in a heated conversation, but it’s exactly what we need to do to exhibit spirit-led self-control. And, as an encouragement, God’s Word says: “Gentle words are a tree of life”. What a joy to know that we have the power to help and support our friends and family with our words!
mprez2006 on February 10, 2010 at 12:50 pm
so true Proverbs 27:15,16 tells us the same:
15 A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day;
16 restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand.
thecandis24 on February 26, 2010 at 11:46 am
I really needed to hear this today I am newly wed and I come from a broken home. The way I was taught to communicate is not very healthy, but thanks to God my husband is a very patiente man and it is through his patience that I see the love of Christ.