A few weeks ago, my wife Miska and I were deep into an intense conversation, tasting the bitter fruit of a disconnected season. Sitting on the couch, we shared our hurts and hopes, our desire for more in our marriage. As we talked about what had led us to this place and where to go from here, Miska said, “I need to forgive you.” It’s hard to convey the impact of her godly decision as I try to capture that moment in words. But something was released in her—and in me, as I realized that I too needed to forgive.
Forgiveness holds an unparalleled power to heal and to restore, to melt hardened hearts. Forgiveness, however, seldom comes easy. Peter apparently felt the weight of forgiveness’ demands, asking Jesus to clarify how far—exactly—forgiveness should go. Do I have to forgive “seven times”?
Peter asked (v.21). “No,” said Jesus, “seventy times seven” (v.22). Peter wanted to discern the outer boundaries of his responsibility, the point where he could say: No more forgiveness. But Jesus would have none of it. While we may want to rest easy with our bitterness or rage, God calls us out of all that. God calls us to forgive.
Sometimes we balk at forgiveness because we misunderstand what it is. We wrongly think that forgiveness means denying the wrong and painful thing done to us. Often, however, we resist forgiveness because we simply don’t want to let someone off the hook.
This might seem like an impossible act: Offer lavish forgiveness to the repentant offender. Instead, it’s beautiful news that reveals what God is like and what “the kingdom of heaven can be compared to” (v.23). God lavishes His unquenchable forgiveness on us, reaching the darkest places of our heart.
More:
• Luke 23:34
• 1 John 2:12
Next:
Is there someone you have refused to forgive? What must take place in order for you to offer true forgiveness?
Astrid67 on December 8, 2009 at 1:13 am
I have learned that forgivness is not a feeling but a decision! To forgive someone means to deceide to do so but it takes time to deal with it emotionally. But at the point of time you forgive someone you let him or her off the hook. From there your pain starts to heal. Our part is to forgive and God’s part is to heal. Have a blessed day!
valerie offiong on December 8, 2009 at 5:04 am
My pastor gave a quote a while back that really stuck with me.
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die”
I like that and can see where it fits in the areas of my life where I have unforgiveness.
Sometimes even though I think I have forgiven someone I find that deep in my heart there is bitterness, distrust or anger. My prayer is that I am able through the blood of Jesus to show the same forgiveness and mercy The Lord Jesus has shown me.
When we realize that others have not “sinned” against us but The Almighty God just as we have, it is a wee bit easier to forgive.
Astrid67 on December 8, 2009 at 10:10 am
This quote is really good and so true!
Corryn on December 8, 2009 at 8:58 am
So, so true. God has forgiven us sooo much!!! Who are we to not forgive? And, in marriage, it is inevitable that wrongs occur. I like what you said about forgiveness is often mistaken as denying the wrong done to us. But…the very fact that we MUST offer forgiveness affirms there was a wrong. So much more the blessing for ME when God grants me the strength to make that decision to forgive… and then ACT like it! It’s only through God’s love and grace that I am ever able to do this. In saying all this, I realize there are life’s atrocities that seem impossible to forgive…rape, murder, financial deception…these take more work and, of course, some relationships are broken. Thanks be to God that He has the answers for all of us!
learning2serv on December 12, 2009 at 11:50 am
This article bought me to a place of reflection: is there unforgiveness in my heart? Corryn, your reply stirred something within me. When you said “there are life’s atrocities that seem impossible to forgive…”, the first time I’d read it, I missed the word “seem”, substituting the word “are”.
I am finding it more and more natural to forgive than not. The “work” is always in moving my self out of the way, which is the way of “working out my own salvation with fear and trembling.” I see in your reply the answer of many years of “working”. But I am re-learning that “forgetting” is not the same as “forgiving”.
To err is, of course, very human, but to forgive is the nature of God’s divine and Holy Spirit within us. Thank you, and thank all of you for stirring my heart to remember this most important foundation of my salvation on this morning.
May we never forget to forgive.
Gary4orphans on December 8, 2009 at 9:08 am
Amen. It has been well said that when we fail to forgive it means we have a higher standard of forgiveness than God Himself. Since God is willing to forgive, how dare we mere mortals hold onto our unforgiveness? Who do we think we are, not to forgive? When we don’t forgive, we are the ultimate victims of our unforgiveness to our own great harm.
lyndygayle on December 8, 2009 at 2:27 pm
As a Christian Marriage & Family Therapist, I see and deal with the root of bitterness directly related to a refusal to forgive. It is a destroyer of families and marriages. God’s ways are so different than the world’s ways and we (God’s Saints) often think God’s ways are unfair…so we “ignore” them to our peril. There is NEVER a time when we don’t have to forgive and your definition of forgiveness is so true. I have to help families understand this truth to help them have their peace and joy back. Thank you for your wise words.
winn collier on December 8, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Valerie: that is a penetrating line, thank you for sharing.
Lyndygayle: Thank you for your work, I know it is difficult and tiring.