Thwack! The sound signaled trouble. With our parents gone, my sister and I had started a mashed potato fight instead of doing the dishes. Chasing her down the stairs with tinfoil box in hand, I was determined she wouldn’t win even though I was younger. The strains of victory died, however, when an unseen door met with her glasses. We were going to get it for sure.
Designed by God to give us a sense of our identity, family is one of the first places we discover what we like, what we’re good at, and how to relate to others. It’s also where we first experience conflict. Even in the strongest of families, we go through hurts that cause us to believe wrong things about ourselves.
In reading the story of Joseph, we often focus on what Joseph suffered because of his brothers’ jealousy. While this story is an important lesson in forgiveness (Genesis 50:20-21), it also demonstrates how family issues strike deep at the heart.
The firstborn of Jacob’s favorite wife (30:22-24), Joseph was the honored son, and his brothers knew it (v.4). It’s one thing to face a parent’s disapproval because you didn’t do your homework. Imagine feeling as if you’re a disappointment just because you were born to the wrong woman (v.2). Believing Jacob had rejected them in preferring Joseph, his brothers retaliated by stripping him of his coat and his dignity (vv.20-24).
From the beginning of creation, family relationships have been difficult (Genesis 4:8). Relational issues are inevitable. Working through the sin nature of man, the enemy pits family members against each other (Micah 7:6). Responding to the hurt by hurting others only continues the cycle. Putting our hearts in alignment with God’s, however, allows healing and restoration to begin (Luke 1:17).
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Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
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How has your family influenced the way you view yourself? In what ways have your family experiences shaped your view of God? How can God use your family hurts to bring strength to your life?
Shirley on September 18, 2009 at 7:12 am
That is an interesting view. I have to admit I never have looked at it like that.
I try to not hurt my siblings but I do find it hard to have a meaningful relationship with them. Not because they were the most favored but because they do not seem all that intelligent. I will listen to them and try to help but then they seem to take advantage of any who are kind to them. I often wonder how people from the same family can be so different.
Thanks for allowing me to see where I need to grow and that I need to find some area of common ground where we can have meaningful discussions in spite of their lack of intellect.
learning2serv on September 19, 2009 at 8:07 am
Shirley, I thought “how prideful” as I read your last line, then I realized (with a little nudging) that you only wrote what I’d spoken in my heart numerous times about my own siblings in the past.
That particular line of thought has faded as God has increased my concern for my family. The youngest of 4 (I am now 42), both my parents have already departed, and my sister died shortly before her 43rd birthday (the day she was buried).
My heart towards them has mellowed over the years. We never had an antagonistic relationship, it just seemed that they were all hell-bent on doing nothing productive with their lives (as I was before I gave my life to Christ).
Looking back I can see that I would have accomplished little with my life without Christ and so my own “superior intellect” was of no value to me – or them. I am praying that God uses my heart – and my intellect – to say and do wise things that will help lead what is left of my family to a saving, solid relationship with Him.
rockee on September 18, 2009 at 8:03 am
My three younger siblings and I grew up together. Mom passed away , I was 22 then and my younger siblings were 14, 13 and 3. Our father left us after 2 years death of mom. Life was full of hardships and emotional pains. I am 35 and we are all still together with our father now. As I look back to our life together before, I can not stop my tears to fall for in every circumstances, events of our lives together, GOD has been with us. All the trials, all the tests, all the challenges I consider everything as God’s Blessings to us. I will never learned to understand, to accept painful things with a smile in my heart and to be giving if not from those experiences. I see from the eyes of my heart how God allows things to happen. Because He is so confident that I together with my younger siblings will surpass and overcome all because God imprinted the LOVE into my very heart. I love my siblings that is why I offered them my life. LOVE considers everything even no matter how hard or painful things are. God is so great! Now, I am committed to a man God has chosen for me. And God promised me that He will give my family a chance to know Him. One of my brothers is actively knowing Him by heart.
joyce on September 18, 2009 at 10:42 am
My sister basically said I was useless, even though I was working, raising two children, and taking care of my husband and her, because she was living with us at the time. The things she said stunned me into silence, and when I confronted her, she said I imagined things and was overly sensitive. I had always respected her because she was a strong career woman, so I took on her statements about me.
After talking to others and looking over the situations, I realized she spoke out of jealousy. “Anger is cruel, and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Prov. 27:4.
From the pain, however, I have learned to value only God’s opinion of me. I am learning how much God loves me, and my value comes from being pleasing to Him.
isabelle on September 26, 2009 at 10:21 am
Thanks Regina for this article.
I am going through a very painful time especially with two of my sisters-in-laws, that I have decided that I am going to have a cold-war with them to teach them a lesson for saying things behind my back. Each passing day, the deep resentment I have for them grows and I know deep within me it is just not right but I am still not talking to them……. (am very stubborn headed!)
It has been almost a week that I felt strange – I have lost all joy completely (which He gives us in abundance) and have no appetite when dinner time came. I love food by the way…..(my friends always tease me saying I can eat almost anything without putting on calories!!!) So what happened?
Yes, I need to ask for the Lord’s forgiveness as I am not gaining anything from this cold war. It is very,very hard not to submit to His will and as it is, this is rightfully my duty as His child to obey Him.
Despite all our wrongdoings, I am grateful we have a merciful and almighty God that loves us beyond
measure. I need His approval……always.